Charles Adams (8:53 AM): whats up
Anaya (9:03 AM): morning
Anaya (9:03 AM): just saw this blinking, sound was off
Anaya (9:03 AM): i got ure myspace message about breaking up
Anaya (9:04 AM): was it unexpected or was it leading there? and are you ok?
Charles Adams (9:05 AM): i am here
Charles Adams (9:05 AM): and writing you an email
Anaya (9:06 AM): ok well ill wait for it
Anaya (9:06 AM): and then just respond to it
Charles Adams (9:06 AM): you been alright?
Anaya (9:06 AM): hows nashville going
Anaya (9:06 AM): yeah i believe so
Anaya (9:07 AM): cant complain, ill update you when i respond
Charles Adams (9:07 AM): hehe...talk about a day late and a dollar short...lol...i moved back home last may. i was downsized and i decided to come back
Anaya (9:07 AM): lol
Charles Adams (9:07 AM): i have a good job with an engineering firm here in town and it's going pretty well so far
Anaya (9:07 AM): yeah i didnt know ud moved back
Anaya (9:07 AM): boy time flies
Charles Adams (9:09 AM): i am doing alright. how are things with you? things have gotten a lot better for me. it really wasn't right from the beginning, you know? we were just too different and she needs someone that's going to be completely devoted to her and selfless...i am not that kind of person...i know i can be needy at times and i do much better in a balanced relationship where we can lean on each other. i never felt completely confident that i could make her happy and whether or not she was happy with me and what i was doing and with all of the stuff in this world and uncertainties, i don't need to feel that the woman i love is possibly having any doubts. she was someone that i kind of knew my family would like and everything kind of matched up
Charles Adams (9:10 AM): everyone that knows me knows how i love the Miami Hurricanes and the New England Patriots and the pats were playing in a game for the right to go to the super bowl and she got mad because i wanted to atlanta early so that i could watch the game. that was so not fair...i can go to plays with you and watch movies and lounge around all day on my birthday and not do anything i wanted to do...but you can't allow me to watch a game, or you won't come with me to watch a game. when they played the giants for the last game...trying to go undefeated for the season and all, i wanted her to come with me to the restaurant to meet some of my friends and she wanted to stay home and rest. i was asking her what styles of clothing and things tha
Charles Adams (9:10 AM): *wanted to leave atlanta early...i discussed this with her and she seemed to be ok
Anaya (9:11 AM): one sec
Anaya (9:11 AM): is this in an email?
Anaya (9:11 AM): or you just copied and pasted the email
Charles Adams (9:12 AM): i was reading all the self help books, getting counseling and everything because there was something wrong as to why i had this woman in my life and couldn't give control and give myself completely to her. i finally figured it out...when you have someone you really love and you're just totally in love with them, then you do that sort of thing and they also give you that balance that you need to just be you and have things go great. people are always gonna have differences but her thing was to agree to disagree...to me that said that basically this is how she felt and it was ok and she wasn't even gonna try to look at what i was thinking and seeing if there was actually any merit to it
Charles Adams (9:12 AM): copy
Charles Adams (9:12 AM): i couldn't wait...i needed to know what you thought
Anaya (9:12 AM): alright, im reading
Anaya (9:15 AM): well i dont think it was fair for either of you to loose who you were, and while she did not have to be a fan of the hurricaines, she at least could have been supported in your passion for it. to be in a relationship with someone who is unwulling to come into your world, and do things you enjoy is not going to be healthy in the long run; you would have resented her for not letting you see the games over the years and she would have resented you for going to the games. if that balance doesnt exist, you will have the same fight over and over
Anaya (9:16 AM): and while she always wants to agree to disagree, that is an unhealthy biased way of thinking since conversation, i mean at a heightened level, is necessary for a thriving relationship
Anaya (9:17 AM): surface talk only goes so long, and if she resorts to "not wanting to talk about it," then that is not the way to resolve any issues
Anaya (9:18 AM): while i am not agreeing that she was the downhill spiral of it all (since both of you were invested in the relationship) i realize it took both of you to get to where you were....but if that inkling was there in the beginning, that much love will not transcend all
Charles Adams (9:26 AM): yeah...that's true
Charles Adams (9:26 AM): you're right on with what you're saying and i have discovered those things about all of this
Charles Adams (9:27 AM): i think it's unfair to ask someone to change who they are
Anaya (9:27 AM): well im glad you all didnt stay any longer, especially when you knew it was over
Anaya (9:27 AM): and she was going to continue to resent you for those games, she was never going to like that you were an avid season watcher
Anaya (9:27 AM): how long did you all date?
Charles Adams (9:27 AM): you can change bad habits and make suggestions to them, but ideaology changes...not good...that's right...8 months
Charles Adams (9:28 AM): to tell you the truth too...i felt like she was an agenda girl
Charles Adams (9:28 AM): just rushing to get married and i want to get married...just not like, tomorrow, you know? i need some time
Charles Adams (9:28 AM): and too i think if you meet the right person, it will all come together without having to force the issue and all of that
Anaya (9:28 AM): ure right
Anaya (9:29 AM): she may have been pushing it, wanted to be married by certain age,etc.
Anaya (9:29 AM): well 8 months is better than 3 years and you realize u are at a standstill
Charles Adams (9:30 AM): no doubt
Charles Adams (9:30 AM): brb
Anaya (9:31 AM): k
Charles Adams (9:43 AM): back
Charles Adams (9:44 AM): you're so right
Charles Adams (9:44 AM): cause that's what makes it easier to just move on and not really talk to her, you know?
Anaya (9:47 AM): it does
Anaya (9:47 AM): i mean, if its not meant to be, you cant make it
Charles Adams (9:49 AM): when someone asks you why do you love someone and you can't really tell them...
Charles Adams (9:49 AM): that's a problem
Anaya (9:49 AM): wow
Charles Adams (9:49 AM): she's not very affectionate and the more i tried to force the issue the more fake it seemed
Charles Adams (9:50 AM): it was to the point where i was saying i love you and wasn't fucking meaning it
Anaya (9:50 AM): yeah that is, cause when you shift perspectives and look at it that way, you cant really love them if you cant say why
Charles Adams (9:50 AM): just feeling nothing...and that's unusual for me cause i never feel like that
Anaya (9:51 AM): well authenticity at its best is better admitted sooner than later
Charles Adams (9:52 AM): exactly
Charles Adams (9:52 AM): i love that
Charles Adams (9:52 AM): i like to just be ok and just admit things to someone, you know?
Charles Adams (9:53 AM): i am ok with being me and it took a lot to get there
Charles Adams (9:53 AM): and i am finding people that are ok with themselves and like that, you know?
Anaya (9:56 AM): yeah well thats good
Anaya (9:57 AM): sounds as if you had a breaktrhough and wouldnt repeat this the next time around
Charles Adams (9:58 AM): i did have a breakthrough! what's been going on with you? how's your relationship?
Anaya (10:10 AM): i mean its not like i'd like it to be
Anaya (10:10 AM): sorry, i was on the phone with customer service
Anaya (10:10 AM): but time will tell
Anaya (10:11 AM): we're still living together and it isnt awkward or uncomfortable so i dont know where its leading
Anaya (10:11 AM): i have no clue
Charles Adams (10:12 AM): i gotcha...are you 2 in a committed thing or open or what?
Anaya (10:13 AM): hell, who knows
Anaya (10:15 AM): im through trying to figure it out
Anaya (10:15 AM): and im just doing me
Charles Adams (10:15 AM): right
Anaya (10:15 AM): were not dating other people, but he doesnt want to make a commitment
Charles Adams (10:15 AM): oh wow
Anaya (10:16 AM): and he wants pussy and a free ride but he doesnt want to commit to me, which after 3 years, why would you string me along that long if you dont want long term
Charles Adams (10:16 AM): exactly
Anaya (10:16 AM): and trust me, im not claiming to be the perfect one, but you're supposed to be 40 years old and able to talk about the future, money and have these earnest conversations without pouting
Charles Adams (10:17 AM): mos def
Anaya (10:17 AM): talking to him about those things is worse than trying to catch a squirrel, and it should not have been so impossible
Charles Adams (10:17 AM): yeah...that's just nuts, to
Charles Adams (10:17 AM): *yo
Anaya (10:17 AM): and while hes been married before he also married the wrong chick for the wrong reasons and while i am not trying to make him marry me, if he doesnt want to fine, but dont string me along for all these years
Anaya (10:17 AM): thats more frustrating than anything else
Anaya (10:18 AM): found out he cheated on me, went to lunch with the girl he fucked and had coffee over it, she told me everything, how they met, everything, and to this day he will still deny he slept with her
Anaya (10:19 AM): how can he look me in the face and lie to me, i mean coming clean is honorable even though lying sucks in the first place
Anaya (10:19 AM): hes cheated on every woman he's been with, so why would he suddenly change his ways for me? then when i go out to do things i say, "im going ot the grocery store, going to my mom's and going to the library"
Anaya (10:20 AM): when he goes and does things he's evasive and says he needs to "go do some thangs"
Anaya (10:21 AM): has not introduced me to his so called best friend coop saying he doesn't want to continue to introduce women to his friends that he doesn't keep-as if coop is 4 years old and taking women in and out of his life is going to shake up who he is
Anaya (10:22 AM): after 3 years, still excuses. i mean and im not even saying he has to tell me where hes going, but after 3 years still being evasive? like to me that doesn't make sense. just say you're going to fuck another woman, or that you're going to hang out with whoever.
Anaya (10:22 AM): like im not a little kid and i can handle it
Anaya (10:22 AM): i can handle the truth, but all the deception, dont like it
Charles Adams (10:22 AM): i can understand that
Anaya (10:23 AM): i just don't even want to talk about it
Charles Adams (10:23 AM): completely
Charles Adams (10:23 AM): that too
Anaya (10:23 AM): i just wish he wasn't being so "small" about it, ya know?
Anaya (10:23 AM): so of course i am wondering where you're going when you're lying about it
Charles Adams (10:24 AM): right
Charles Adams (10:24 AM): exactly...i totally can dig that
Anaya (10:25 AM): he left me by myself for thanksgiving, claimed he was with his ex's family for tgiving, why has he not invited me over for tgiving and weve dated three years?
Anaya (10:26 AM): i mean i go over to this mom's like everyday. at least 4 days a week. why would i NOT be invited?
Charles Adams (10:26 AM): that's just messed up
Anaya (10:26 AM): so then he leaves from work that morning (he works overnight) and doesn't call me even though i told him i didn't want ot be alone
Anaya (10:26 AM): claiming he made plans with his friends when i toldhim i was going to chicago with my family. didnt go cause i couldnt get that friday off
Charles Adams (10:27 AM): see? this is the problem i have
Anaya (10:27 AM): so instead of him taking me with him, he doesn't call me at all that thursday, has one of his employees call me to tell me he wont be coming home, that he will call me later
Charles Adams (10:27 AM): i am a good man and i am good to every woman i have ever dated
Anaya (10:27 AM): then friday morning he goes and gets his check and i am in the parking lot and he pulls up with another guy and two women
Anaya (10:28 AM): and then he tells me to wait in the parking lot and after he gets his check he leaves with them in the car again leaving me in the parking lot
Charles Adams (10:28 AM): i hate hearing these dumbass stories about some nigga that don't know how to treat his woman right
Charles Adams (10:28 AM): and then i don't get the woman that's just happy to have me...i get the chick that wants EVERYTHING
Anaya (10:28 AM): and i keep trying to tell him i aint no crazy chick cause if i was i woulda followed that fuckin car up the road to where they were going
Anaya (10:28 AM): but since i didnt do that, im showing you i aint crazy
Anaya (10:28 AM): then i was in the hospital for three weeks and he tells me he wants to break up because he doesnt have space
Charles Adams (10:28 AM): and isn't happy with me being there and being willing to commit and share things with you and be there for you, you know?
Charles Adams (10:29 AM): ouch...i'm not liking this kid
Charles Adams (10:29 AM): lol
Anaya (10:29 AM): he never came to see me in the hospital, not one time, so he had his freedom, i dont know what he was doing while i was in there
Anaya (10:29 AM): and then you come home and try and say you want to break up cause u need space? like are you FUCKIN KIDDING ME?
Anaya (10:29 AM): so obviously he doesn't want to be with me and instead of saying it, he didn't
Anaya (10:29 AM): so that's pissed me off
Anaya (10:30 AM): and anytime i bring anything up he gets an attitude, pouts and tries and twists it on me
Anaya (10:30 AM): so the people he was with the day after thanksgiving? he's paying that car note and car insurance
Charles Adams (10:30 AM): man
Anaya (10:30 AM): why hadn't he told me something like that? i dont know who the woman is that is driving that car
Anaya (10:30 AM): which is why he doesnt have his own car, his own car note
Anaya (10:31 AM): but when i ask him to help me pay mine, he has an attitude about helping me, though he is the reason i got that rip off car in the first place
Charles Adams (10:31 AM): this is just getting better and better
Anaya (10:31 AM): and im truly not an unreasonable human being
Anaya (10:31 AM): but communicate these things with me
Anaya (10:32 AM): he had a house with his ex wife while we were dating, and he would call her "eric"
Anaya (10:32 AM): i'm going to live with "eric" cause i think we need space
Anaya (10:32 AM): so while i am waiting for the day to bust him, i have the proof and everything and i am going to buy photo frames and hang all of the proof around the apartment
Anaya (10:32 AM): and then i am going to put him the FUCK out
Anaya (10:33 AM): and hes concerned about how i act and things i do? yet he's got an entirely other life
Charles Adams (10:33 AM): nice
Charles Adams (10:33 AM): very nice
Anaya (10:33 AM): so no, i aint been crazy, and i aint been flipping out,
Anaya (10:33 AM): but hes going to walk in the apartment and see all the proof
Charles Adams (10:33 AM): i am glad that you're gonna do this..good for you...dig it...i'm with you
Charles Adams (10:33 AM): and he's just gonna be STUCK
Anaya (10:33 AM): and until im ready to reveal it, ill just stay calm, i believe in KARMA
Charles Adams (10:34 AM): exactly...i've gotta go to our other office..i'ma get with you over there, k?
Anaya (10:34 AM): now his mother insists he doesnt have any kids. i could not imagine her hiding pictures of a grandbaby because arden doesnt want me to know about them
Anaya (10:34 AM): riiiight
Anaya (10:34 AM): well i should be online, if not we'll talk soon
Charles Adams (10:34 AM): alright
Charles Adams (10:34 AM): bye!
Anaya (10:34 AM): oh and i am going to videotape the entire reveal, have secret cameras installed
Anaya (10:34 AM): and put it on youtube!
Anaya (10:34 AM): lol
----- Our chat on Wed, 4/16/08 10:34 AM -----